If wishes could come true...

I had a wonderful eleven days in Arizona. I spent time with my daughter Jenna and her family in St. Johns. And time with my son Daniel and his family in Phoenix. If wishes could come true I would wish for all my kids to live closer together. Not only so they could enjoy time with each other but also, selfishly, so I could see the whole family often. I thoroughly enjoyed my visit with my Arizona families but I had to hold back tears of sadness when it was time to leave. I wish they lived closer to me.

My family is the light of my life. When I first had surgery to remove the cancer found in April of 2006 my son Daniel and his wife Holly stayed with me, waking up in the middle of the night to give me medication and take care of the tubes left in my body from the surgery. Holly was just finishing finals and within days of graduating from BYU, plus she was seven months pregnant. When I returned home from my mission to Boston in March of this year my daughter Mauri and her two girls came by every day to bring me a limeade from Sonic, wash my hair, pick up prescriptions, or just let those two precious girls, ages 2 and 3 1/2, jump on the bed with me in it. That’s what life’s all about! Mauri was eight months pregnant. A month later my daughter Jenna came up from St. Johns, Arizona with her two kids to not only help me but also help her sister who was ready to have her baby any day. How grateful I am that we’re all there for one another. Than there is my mom and dad, both there for me when I returned home from Boston. My mom stayed with me for a month driving me to radiation every day. Driving me to every doctor’s appointment almost on a daily basis. Bringing me every meal in bed. She tag teamed with my dad and than he took over taking care of me. What would I do without my family?

As I sat in church today and looked around at my ward congregation, I counted my blessings. What a miracle these amazing people are in my life. They too are my family, with loving support, words of encouragement, phone calls, and care. What would I do without them?

Tomorrow is Labor Day and I’ll contact my doctor the following day, on Tuesday so I can get my prescription to start my next type of chemotherapy. We’ll give it a try for six weeks and see how it does. Why are so many people dieing of cancer? Why is it so prevalent? Is it a test?

As I drove home from Arizona yesterday I had a CD in the car playing a song with words that touched me. Thought I’d like to share it:

“I place my trust in Him alone. He knows the yearnings of my soul. Because He believes in me, I will go willingly. How can I keep this gift to myself, when I can lift somebody else? I am a witness of His miracles and His mercy. I put my future in His hands, knowing He’s made me all I am. When I put my faith in Him the truth begins to speak. His power is real; it moves me until I will not be still.”

My dear friend Judy sent me a quote the other day that I also liked, “God doesn’t promise us tomorrow, but He does promise us eternity.”

My daughter Jenna and her husband Jared spoke in church last Sunday on gratitude. Jared said, how grateful he was to have the opportunity to speak because it caused him to think about gratitude all week and recognize all the things he was grateful for. He challenged everybody to act as if they were asked to speak on gratitude the next Sunday just so they could contemplate what they were grateful for all week long. I feel the same way about dieing. If you thought you were going to die next week how would you live your life? What would be some of the thoughts on your mind? How would you act towards others?

I'm feeling terrific

I went in for radiation today and for my bone strengthening I.V. (Zometa). Normally that whole procedure would take an hour. Three hours later I’m driving away. That hospital was a busy place today. At least I had a nice visit with my doctor while I was waiting. He said they would probably start my new chemotherapy treatment in a week or so. Hooray ~ that gives me a chance to head down to Arizona for a while.

I smile when the doctors tell me I look good. I tell them, "I always tell sick people they look good too."

Tomorrow morning I’m going to my daughter Mauri’s where we’ll have a swim party with my grandkids. In the afternoon I have my last radiation treatment then I’ll head down to Arizona. Last night I went for a two hour walk with my cousin Daneen. We walked up Provo Canyon passed Bridal Veil Falls and saw the remains of the fire that lasted for two weeks during the end of July and beginning of August. I’m glad the fire has finally stopped but it took with it some historical landmarks. No silly, not the waterfalls… they’re still there!

I’m feeling terrific. Normally the bone strengthening makes my bones ache for a couple of days but the last few months I haven’t noticed it. Maybe my pain tolerance is rising.

Thank you, thank you so much for all your kind messages, emails, phone calls, and visits. YOU ALL ARE FABULOUS!!!

For those who are planning on coming to my BYU graduation, don’t pack your bags quite yet. Even though I only have four classes left, I only take one class a semester! I don’t know how the kids do it these days. They take four or five classes a semester and still have a social life on top of that. Do they study? I certainly study harder now compared to the study habits I had when I first attended BYU. I can only focus on one class at a time.

Where it all started

In April of 2006 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The doctor performed a lumpectomy and felt like he got a clear margin. I heard at that time one out of every eight women get breast cancer. I was gathering anybody who wanted to be in my circle of eight so I could take one for the team. Everybody has cancer cells in their body. However, in my situation you just don’t know if there were cancer cells in other parts of my body already developing. I did not do any type of chemotherapy or radiation. A year and a half went by and I started feeling pain in my back. I thought I had simply overextended myself and felt a little rest would relieve the pain. Two and a half months later I was still feeling the pain and it was getting worse. I went to several doctors and got several x-rays and ultrasounds. They couldn’t figure out what was wrong. By March of 2008 I decided to do an MRI. By that point I couldn’t even get out of bed. Standing, sitting, or walking was excruciating and I could only do that for about 30 seconds before I had to lay down. Lying flat was my only source of relief. The word ‘excruciating’ had never entered my vocabulary before. The MRI showed I had a crushed vertebrae. No wonder why I was feeling so much pain when I stood. My back couldn’t hold the pressure of standing. Realizing at that point the cancer was back, no pun intended. It had eaten away at the vertebrae. Surgery was performed to put a little dollop of “cement” in that vertebrae. Oh, that felt much better. Two months after the surgery the pain was almost gone.

Right after the cement surgery I had a PET Scan to see the extent of how much cancer was in my body. It was in my spine, right hip, and neck. I had four weeks of radiation in my spine and started Zometa a bone strengthening injection and Fulvestrant a monthly cancer treatment shot. The cancer count was going down from March to July. But by August it went back up. Another PET Scan (on August 4) found it was now eating away at my right hip and in my lungs and liver. The doctors were fearful I would break my hip so they immediately started radiation on my right hip.

That brings us to today. The radiation lasts ten days, I’m seven days into it. I’m feeling better, I don’t have as much pain in my hip. I really didn’t have much pain to begin with, I only noticed pain if I would pivot on it wrong. I had a visit with my doctor today to find out now what type of chemotherapy we should start. My hopes were high and I felt optimistic. My daughter Mauri went with me to the doctor. We had our pad of paper with all our questions ready. Sometime next week, he wants to start me on Xeloda. He will continue the Zometa, the bone strengthening injection. Xeloda is chemotherapy in a pill form. There are lots of side effects, like, blisters on the palms of my hands or bottom of my feet, sores in my mouth, and nausea. Attitude wise, I’m ready to tackle this. I feel strong and healthy. I try to walk or ride my bike as often as I can. And the doctor told me to continue my daily regime as long as I don’t feel any pain. So if any of you want to go for a walk or bike ride, give me a call.

Mauri had the wonderful idea to start this blog. I will post as often as I can and express my thoughts and feelings and what's going on in my life.

I don’t know why people are dealt the cards they have but I’ll play this hand and pray for an Ace up my sleeve. Today the doctor told me 50% of people in my situation will die within two years. I however, will be in the second 50% and I’ll still be sitting here in twenty years. I have three children, their spouses, and seven grandchildren. The seventh one will be born in December. I still have lots of baptisms, graduations, and weddings ahead of me. One of those graduations is mine. And you’re all invited!!! I only have four classes left at BYU and I’ll get my Bachelors.

I appreciate all your love, support, and prayers. A person can never have too many friends.